This is something that has been languishing in my drafts folder along with a dozen or so other under cooked posts-in-the-making. I chose to put the finishing touches to this one today and serve it up as the next dose of prose of mediocre quality that is the standard fare at this corner of the internet. If you think this is my mother's day offering, you really don't know me too well. Anyways, I guess this is how Maniratnam must've sounded when he claimed Iruvar was a piece of fiction.
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It was a late afternoon in August 2008. I had gotten out of
work early and was meeting my father and my brother – who had been out running
some errands – at Ambika Appalam depot, a few blocks down the street from our
home. It has always been a convenient meeting point for our family – not too
long a walk from home, near a bus stand and an easy landmark for all Chennai auto drivers. Although the two of them had been delayed and showed up late, the three of
us stood there by the bottom of the stairs leading up into the building. We had
nothing pressing to get done, none of us was particularly keen on going back
home and we stood there for some time – three men – not quite sure what to do
with the rest of the evening.
I don't remember where we ended up going to from there or what we did that evening and that is not the point of this post anyways. But here is some context to how we ended up at that corner in Adyar. Our mother had died only a few days earlier. The ceremonies spanning
thirteen days had been completed. We had then taken a few days off to visit
family in Bangalore. We had also visited my in-laws in Mysore. My wife wanted
to stay back with her parents for a few more days before we returned to
Singapore. So it was just the three of us back in Chennai – me, my brother and our father – to
spend a few days by ourselves tying up loose ends before heading back out to our respective bases.
That day, there were no doctor appointments to take our
mother to, no treatments to arrange for. There were neither hospital
stays to be coordinated nor any medicines to be procured. And as I
said, the ceremonies over the preceding days had been completed, the relatives had departed one by one and
we found ourselves in a sudden vacuum – three men, till recently very busy –
not quite sure what to do with the rest of the evening.
That particular incident impacted me and kept playing back in my mind again and again over the next few days. The Ambika Appalam Depot bathed in the late afternoon sun.
Three men, not quite sure on the agenda for the evening. No compelling reason to go back home to. There was something unsettling about that moment that I had
trouble putting a finger on.
Then it dawned on me one fine day. I was the married guy but
with the wife out of town. My brother was still single then. And our father,
the recent widower, of course. We didn’t have the reassuring presence of a woman around – a mom or a
wife or a sister-in-law – to engage us or even drive us nuts. The presence
of a lady, the whiff of womanhood – of any relation – is such a positive influence on everyone around. A natural mechanism to keep everyone - particularly the XY-chromosomed - grounded and balanced. Granted there is always the exception or three but at least in our family
this has been the case – the lady was the bedrock.
I kept playing this incident in my mind again and I replaced
the three of us from that evening with a school going kid. I played out that
exact same scenario: a young kid - mother recently deceased and the dad away at work to support
the family - returning to an empty home after school. Such a terrible scenario. And scary that it would be so easy for the kid to lose his path and
focus. There was a similar example that I became aware of on my wife’s side
where the kid (now in college) suffered after his mom passed away when he was
small. A fate that should not visit any child - young or old.
At the risk of sounding like something straight out of a particularly
cheesy Hallmark card - mothers are simply special. No mother is perfect and no
woman flawless. But they are where they are - shortcomings and all - for a pretty big reason. Cast in a
role much bigger and grander than they are even aware of often times.
On a related note, a few years back, I was in the room when
a doctor uttered the best words I’ve ever heard from one of their
tribe: “A sick mother is no mother.” Truer words? Never spoken, I would say. So please take care of your health. After all, you must be around and fit to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Go take a walk, get that mammogram, take that pap smear test, read a book or sip a quiet cup of coffee. They are not against the law, I checked.
On a random Tuesday (few days after mother’s day), my salute to all mothers. Actually, make that a salute to
every woman out there – mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, friend - that is a positive
influence on an individual, her family and the society. We may not thank you often or thank you
enough but make no mistake, you are special.
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