Dedication

"A very good morning to my fellow students and esteemed members of the staff. My topic for today is dedication. The dictionary says dedication is..."

Thus would begin nine out of ten speeches in our school assembly. But y'all know that we do things differently around here. And also, dedication is not the topic of this post either. Well, not that dedication, at least. I need to get something off my chest and here is where I usually do it. Specifically, I'm here to rant against a clear and present danger. A growing menace that is happening somewhere even as I write this.

Picture this:

A terrible compere, complete with a pasted plastic smile, hands repeating artificial gestures and slurred Tamil pronunciation. Someone who has possibly gotten this assignment based solely on her relationship with the programming head or someone important in the channel. I mean, this is non-primetime TV compering that we're discussing here and it is not an acquirable skill and definitely not an art. Her ability(?) is to engage in phone conversations with complete strangers who are on the line because, um, they don't have a life? (The ones that go 'naan aaru varushama try pannren, innikki dhaan madam kedachudhu' and rush to introduce to the world their extended family.) And play songs that they request. Not a bad way to make money, mind you. After all there are all these morons out there, trying earnestly to get their time under the sun and an appropriate number of such plasticomperes out there, trying to cash in, thanks to Pepsi Uma.

My issue is not so much with trying to resuscitate an outdated idea of calling in for a song to die a respectable death. neyar viruppam (Listeners choice) on Vividhbharathi, a program wherein Arakkonam Prabha, Jyothi, Suresh and Kaveripakkam Raja and Gopi (made up or real) sent in their respective requests for a particular song that was played, had some relevance given the times. The call-in programs on TV in the day and age of internet, ipod and youtube are as appropriate as this:

(Image courtesy: www.wired.com)

But the marketing gurus today see some more juice to be squeezed out of this and so be it. My real problem is with this thing that is called dedication of the song. After the customary gushing, pointless banter and the song selection between Ms. Plasticompere and Mr. I've-time-to-kill comes the killer question:

"Sooberana song choose pannirukkeenga. sollunga Sekar, indha song-a yarukku dedicate panna aasa padreenga?" ("Who do you like to dedicate this song to?") I cringe.

"En friend Babu-kku indha saanga dedicate pannren madam." Sekar, without skipping a beat, announces to the rest of the world that his friendship with Babu is somehow captured in its entirety by a romantic number.

Ilayaraja, Vali and ManiRathnam combine their intellect to come up with a song that Mr. Sekar feels is a right choice to dedicate to Mr. Babu. Is there a more ideal example for the "kadai thengaya eduthu vazhi pillayar-ku odaikkardhu" proverb? Or, more appropriately, as Goundamani would put it, "Dei naaye nee enna da panna?" (English: Never mind, it ain't gonna sound half as funny.)

Song dedication is the TV equivalent of a hallmark card and should be stopped. At once. Sekar might as well say "I'm capable of nothing myself. And that is perhaps why I have the time to dial a number a million times to request for this song and dedicate it to you." Even an off-key rendition of the same song for a friend (in private space) amounts to some sort of dedication. But this? No.

Are my nerves, frayed by Sekar and plastic queen, allowed to rest when the song finally comes on? No. That is when the SMS messages start getting displayed at the bottom of the screen in a marquee. TV's answer to twitter. It is 2300 hrs and the messages are coming in thick and fast:

Sai, overhwhelmed by love, declares "Hai Kavi, i luv u da"

Naser, ever alert to the time of the night goes, "Farhana, gud nite"

"Hema, how r u?" asks Suresh, in need of urgent information regarding the well being of his sweetheart.

M/s. Sai, Naser and Suresh, I speak on behalf of most of TamilNadu when I say, "Shut the beep up! And good night!"