Recipe for aracha maavu

Megaserials (soap operas) provide a quick (pun intended) route to fame for everybody involved in it. Be it the ones relegated to the mornings/afternoons or the ones chosen for prime time slots, every one of them is a winner in one way or the other, with a devoted viewership that have come to accept the cast of their chosen soaps as part of their own family and will not let anything come in the way of their watching the day's episode. Those thirty minutes are their idea of "quality time" where temporal needs can wait, guests are unwelcome and a power failure is hell. If you are a director, real or self styled, not wanting to be left out and looking for the right mix to get your own megaserial up and going, here are my 2 cents.

1. The lead lady

A generic lady with passable good looks, preferably a has been actress that has just crossed her use-by date with very little prospects on the silver screen. These are the only known qualifications. Any of her incompetencies will be glossed over by the story (and the public) as it sails aimlessly, yet smoothly, for the next few years. Usually a single lady or separated from her husband, she will be shown to wear only sarees and a handbag will always be slung around her shoulders: two things that can make nearly anybody look responsible and capable of taking it on the chin. She will be shown to rise from extremely humble beginnings to build a business empire that will compete with that of the lead villain. The nature of the business itself could be vague but should be run out of a plush office and talk would always be about tenders, quotations, profits and orders. 

2. The mother

Another washed up actress of still older vintage to play the mother to no. 1. This lady, preferably widowed, must definitely have been wronged in the recent past - either by her morally corrupt husband or a dead husband's relatives, or by the society in general. She must have a story to tell in some future episode.

3. The villain

In the family oriented soaps, this will be played by the aunts. The aunts, worth a post of their own, should be evil personified and wrapped in a sari, always scheming and plotting against someone either criminally or politically. In the upscale soaps, aired during prime time, this could be a well built person that won't think twice about committing any kind of crime and bend any law with the sole aim to bring misery and misfortune to the lead lady and her family: in other words, the male version of the aunt but definitely less evil. He must be highly religious (strictly Hindu), have a typically threatening name in chaste Tamil (Kaliaperumal, Sankarapandian, Mechinaarkiniyasivan, etc)

4. The father

A generic male to play the father of no. 1. If by chance, this father guy is shown to be still alive, he must be definitely separated from no. 2 and should be a successful businessman with a happy (second) family driving around in expensive cars. In the rarest of cases when the parents are still living together, although for only a few episodes, he must be all or any of the following:

a. a highly ethical person, rooted in moral principles and high values

b. retired from an ordinary job (and hence should be seen lying around on an easy-chair in white dhoti and banian)

c. physically challenged or atleast with an ailing heart

Note: If separated, leave the back door open for yourself by showing the separation as a result of circumstances beyond this guy's control. 

5. The family

Throw in a bunch of siblings with the only consideration that the sisters outnumber the brothers. The sisters should each have a pressing problem - marital (preferred), mental health (compulsory), professional (good enough). The brother must be educationally challenged, professionally disadvantaged and in general, up to no good, showing up occasionally to clench his teeth and mouth dialogs highlighting their plight and his inability to act. They all must live their sorry (yet honorable) lives hand to mouth in a rented place with plastering coming off the walls. 

6. The support system 

An extremely good person, typically male, of high moral standing - the maanju maanju nalladhu pannra type guy - that is either a business associate of the lead lady and must have wallowed with her during her early days and risen to a good position along with her or somebody holding a high office that is aware of the sterling qualities. Sharing a platonic relationship with no. 1, he will not be corrupted by power, position or money and will stay the course in helping the lead lady out at any cost even when his intentions are questioned by the lead herself, which almost always happens.

7. The lead male

(This section intentionally left blank.)

8. The cops

Two additional commissioners. The first one, extremely honest and moral, should always be a phone call away with a team to attend on the lead lady's family problems. The second one, the exact opposite in nature, must be working overtime to hinder the first.  

9. The other stuff

A rose is a rose but a single word title with a ring to it is a winner. Some samples include Kolangal (extremely knotty), Anandham (is what is missing here), Sondham (Wish I could have chosen my relatives), Bandham (Why me?). You get the drift? If all such words have been taken, which is very likely, just give it the name of the lead lady. Then get a leading cinema lyricist to pen a highly philosophical song set to tune by a good enough music director. Over time, it will have tattooed itself on to people's consciousness strong enough to force them to drop what they are doing and park themselves in front of the telly. 

10. Oh, and the story

I almost overlooked this small nuisance. All that is required is a seed - a happy family that has fallen on hard times brought upon them by a set of relatives or the villain. 

Throw in all the ingredients listed above and let it ferment on air for a month and something will definitely germinate. This seedling will then be nourished by the life force called TRP ratings and will soon bloom into a high-yielding, self-sustaining tree under the able care of the sponsors and the TV channel. And while the audience wipe their tears, you can head to the bank, laughing. 

(Image courtesy: Kaipullai's photostream at flickr.com/photos/kaipullai/399585499)