Cultural shock

Today was the first time I was inside the portals of an educational institution here in Singapore. Well, if you don't count that one time I was over at Brewerkz by Clarke quay ;-) The occasion? Agni 2010, the Tamil cultural program of Andersen's Junior College (AJC) The reason? My niece, a student there, was participating in 3 different dance pieces.

I was really looking forward to it. It has been a while since I soaked in the atmosphere of a "college culturals". Hell, now that I think of it, it's been an embarrassingly long time since I graduated. Ah, never mind. But having done my bit of culturals in India, and specifically Chennai, I wanted to see how it gets done around here. And up front, I'll give you the verdict: disappointed.

The one thing that comes to mind when you observe life in general in Singapore is order. Clockwork, precise, boringly efficient. And throw in top of the shelf technology and facilities, I was expecting to be blown away by an audiovisual storm, a cultural extravaganza or a creative explosion. I was ready for the Avatar of culturals, if you will. Instead what I got was an insipid program that was sagging at many stages, leaving me underwhelmed. Without further ado, let's get into the details.

First off, the event got off to a late start. And I'm talking a good 45 minutes behind schedule. Most of which was spent contemplating the possible reason behind the happiness of the two styrofoam peacocks on either side of the dais, who, between them, were missing all 4 legs. The first event was lighting of the oil lamp. No surprises there. But for some reason the event was well hidden from the view of most of the audience. தமிழ் தாய் வாழ்த்து (Tamizh thaai vaazhthu) threw the first curve ball. I was expecting to hear the standard issue neerarum kadal udutha. Instead, the opening notes sounded suspiciously similar to yamunai aatrile from dhalapathy. I was wrong. It wasn't similar: it was the exact same tune. The Singaporean version is, apparently, a song set to the same Ilayaraja tune. I'm not complaining. Just as long as the lyrics aren't a slur on the language, one can get creative with the tune is my take on it.

In keeping with the culturals' protocol, the students were clothed in traditional attire. Translation: sarees for the girls and kurthas for the guys. And that included Chinese students as well. Long story short, everyone was a Mandira Bedi. And there is the universal law that governs these cultural thingies which stateth "The girls of the visiting colleges shath be more prettier than thy own". I was a complete outsider in the evening's proceedings, but even I could sense that the above law was applied. The other observation that I made was that the moms were, ahem, definitely better looking than their daughters.

Next up was the usual routine of speeches which were mercifully short. And long. Allow me to explain. Each Tamil speech was followed by the English translation. Suddenly everybody sounded like Major Sundararajan. And the speeches reminded me of the sugamalikkum thiruvizhas by white evangelists peddling Christianity along the Marina in Chennai. Their each pronouncement getting translated into Tamil for the consumption of the gathered locals. Thankfully, only 2 from Singapore's 4 national languages were considered tonight.

A video clip was to be shown. But just as soon as that announcement came on, the av guy turned pale and started waving frantically, grabbed a walkie-talkie and ran into the projector room. Silence for 5 minutes.

Compere 1: Due to a technical snag, the video will be delayed a bit.

Compere 2: திரைக்காட்சிப் படம் சற்று நேரத்தில் காட்டப்படும்

5 more uncertain minutes later,

Compere 1: Due to a technical snag, the video will not be shown.

Compere 2: திரைக்காட்சிப் படம் காட்டப்படாது

The av guy came out, relieved of whatever was bothering him.

Having negotiated the speeches and the snag, we settled in for some real action. Let the show begin. The first dance piece in which my niece participated in was really well choreographed and executed. That girl does know to shake a limb well. The program was all downhill from there on. Blood. Thicker. Water. You might argue. Not if I produce enough proof.

An indifferent 4-student-band launched a sustained, off-key attack on the song "kaNgaL irandAl" (from Subramanyapuram) and didn't let go until a doctor intervened and pried the song away from their clutches. But unfortunately, he could detect no signs of life from the limp body of the song. A skit was then put up by a group of students which was nothing more than the punch lines from the latest Vadivelu comedies strung together with no plot that I could identify despite best efforts. A second 5-minute skit followed, in which someone was doing an impression of Raghuvaran but sounded like an old man giving a speech without his dentures. I can only say that the ending was late by exactly 5 minutes. Except for a dance performance from a visiting college and the second piece in which my niece participated, the rest of the program, till I left, was sloppy.

As we walked out into the rainy night to take a bus home, I couldn't help feel nostalgic about our culturals that were run on shoe string budgets and had facilities comparable to the early Jurassic age but were thoroughly more entertaining than what was on show tonight.