Save the telly

The time has come to take a few decisions to cleanse the airwaves and rid them of some wrongs that have crept in and simply refuse to leave. The people at the helm seem to be napping. Or may be even paralyzed. So I take this opportunity to come out with the list. A list of not what I want to see on air - that is not going to cater to wide sections of the public, but rather what I want to see off the air. If only the folks are listening...

Mega serials

Every single one of them is to be stopped with immediate effect. This phenomenon has led to the rise of an entire class of people who think they are actually furthering the purpose of art by appearing on a soap. Devoid of any histrionic capability, they have invaded every household. Yes, this will lead to large scale unemployment of unskilled workers and leave the viewers with up to 26 hrs in a day. But I never said this is going to be easy.

Compering

Compering of all varieties should stop. No arguments here. I've sounded my distaste for this here, briefly. A compere is not much different from the safari clad supervisors in the better off bhavans in Chennai: adding little to no value and coming in the way of your waiter and a quick meal. So are we doing away with it completely? No, in its place we will have simple announcement cards a la Doordarshan (Remember sketch pen letters on charts?) may be add a bit of techno music in the background. The point being, informative and effective. More importantly, no mindless blabbering between songs or comedy clips. We're doing away with this on the general principle that money should be earned.

Radhika

I'm against show business and politics coming under the clutches of a chosen few and continuing to be run as a family business. Unfortunately, that is the current reality and ironically, the beneficiaries are the very people who abhor the varnashrama dharma. But that is another story for another day. Unlike a family run grocery store or a tailoring business, family run politics and entertainment, with their reach on the general public, will have serious fallouts, one of which is poor performance being foisted on an innocent public. A sorry situation where the scion learns the trade by repetition, stars get churned out by turn, stardom gets inherited rather than earned. And as if the homegrown variety of nuisances on air aren't enough, we have one of Sri Lankan flavor to deal with. Without further ado, say hello to Radhika, India's answer to Oprah, gram for gram and MR Radha's greatest mistake. Or second greatest if you count Radha Ravi. Her serials is where Jurassic Park meets pudhumai penn and she is always the revolutionary female T-Rex. She continues to don the lady wronged role with the same keenness that Sachin shows while playing ODI #442. But I say its time to take a bow. Thank you.

Sob stories in game shows

A game show is a sad time, I agree. I mean, there you are, sitting on the couch and watching someone make money with the help of nothing more than blind luck is sad enough. But the contestants airing their sorry stories is when you are pushing the limit. I thought there was a law against this? May be not. Same with the dance/song shows where participants require no prompting to turn on the waterworks at the drop of a hat. Come, participate and leave. Save your tears for elsewhere.

Chemistry

The one word that is being bandied about on air by just about anybody. Every 2 bit judge in every 2 bit dance show has to mention this one word to sound knowledgeable. The minute they say "ungalukkulla oru chemistry illai" a halo comes on over their head and the rest of us, mere mortals, bow our heads in respect for their intellect and the profound statement. Last I heard, Venkataraman Ramakrishnan has returned his Nobel and even his class XII certificate to distance himself from this subject.

Stand up comedy

"indha court-la paatheenganna rombha comedy irukkum. ippdi thaan oru vaatti..."

Stand up comedy is not standing up and delivering well recycled, slightly customized jokes that have seen better days on the internet. Period. It simply doesn't fly. Even if you deliver them in Madurai/Nellai slang. Throw in a poorly ventilated set, sweaty contestants in over-sized suits and two judges that are not even remotely funny and we have ourselves a recurring pain. This one is going out baby.

Kids

Read my lips: I love kids. But only the ones that look, sound and act like kids. And that means not the ones on TV who seem to be acting way over their age. I know they are not to be blamed. No matter which channel or which time, there is a kid either singing, dancing or acting in an adhiga prasangi manner. The last straw is kids doing stand up comedy. Parents, stop living vicariously through your kids that have just stepped out of their diapers. Damn I miss the Wonder Balloon and Little Stars of Doordarshan's evening program line up when kids were, I don't know, really kids!

Anu Hassan

A talk show must be engaging both the guests and audiences alike. That requires a strong host who is not in awe of the guests. Armed with politically safe/tame/bland questions, she refuses to bring out any interesting facets of the guest every single time. And the show comes across as undercooked and underwhelming and annoying as she toes their line, agrees with their points and laughs at the lamest of their jokes. And looks like a complete fool. It takes talent to get a successful talk show going but unfortunately she only has a popular last name and little else. A complete waste of airtime.

Anuradha Sriram

No arguments here, this one's unanimous. She's gotta go.