Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Green tea + sleeplessness = Useless post



1:41AM: Decide to give it another try.

1:34AM: The birth of a clearly useless blog posting.

1:21AM: The Eureka moment: 2 cups of green tea at 4:40PM last evening. The motivation for my switch to this beverage from my usual Milo? A sore throat that was craving to be soothed by a hot, bland (vs. syrupy sweet) fluid. Note to self: STAY AWAY FROM CAFFEINE!!

1:14 AM: Tired of tossing around, get out of bed. Wondering what is keeping me awake in spite of having a long, busy day. Sitting in a dark room lit only by the computer screen.

12:37AM: A brain that steadfastly refuses to switch off. A couple of hundred sheep have jumped over the fence. Said brain latches on to some train of thought, spins a tale around it and just as sleep tries to take control, a hypnagogic myoclonus and I'm staring at the ceiling fan, wide awake. Try to think of positive thoughts, will myself to go to sleep: drawing a blank.

12:13AM: Shut down the computer and find that I'm not feeling all that sleepy. Still creep into bed, confident of falling asleep.

(Image courtesy: cartoonChurch.com)

Thursday, June 25, 2009

A smelly convenience

My weekly grocery shopping travails have been documented here. Singapore's layout seems to have a one-point agenda: Make life miserable for Indian vegetarians. OK, I'm exaggerating a bit. But crave clean Indian vegetarian food? Go to Little India. Need Indian groceries and spices? Li'l India again! Throw in a two-leg bus-train journey, you are looking at anywhere upwards of 3 hours to fill yourself and your refrigerator. And, the return journey, hauling full bags, is sure to remind you of your weekend escapades well into the work week.

But all that has changed with the discovery of Sheng Siong - a chain of super markets with a very distinctive smell. It wasn't a discovery that I made while exploring a road less taken, it had been sitting right by the side of a very beaten track. I've walked past this store for nearly a year now, every day to and from work. But it was the smell that kept me from venturing in as I had mentally branded it as a store for the Chinese, replete with aquatic organisms dead, dying or dried. Yet, curiosity got the better of me one evening when I was using the ATM in front of the place and I took a few hesitant steps in.

You could be forgiven for thinking that you were entering a poorly maintained aquarium. They have the usual 3 sections: the aquarium, the dead zoo and the garden. While I can't comment on anything other than the smell about the first two, the garden section carries, besides the usual onion-capsicum-beans-carrot quartet, an impressive array of Indian vegetables. Podalangai? Check. Keerai? Check. Seppankizhangu? Yes, of course! Agreed, they don't carry murungakkai or kathrikkai, both critical requirements in my opinion. But, hey! It is a compromise I'm gladly willing to make in return for saving me a trip to Mustafa's on any weekend. Whats a little bad smell compared to a few hours of shopping hell? A chayote squash still tastes the same even if it gets billed as fo shou gua, right? Moreover, as I said before, this is located very conveniently on my way back home from work: more weekend hours freed up!

To my very pleasant surprise, they also offer a lot of Indian culinary requirements like mustard, cumin seeds, pepper, etc, except for a few, very specialized spices like asafoetida, fenugreek and the usual masalas. But these are items that I usually stockpile from India and won't need on a weekly basis. And, frankly, I won't expect a fully blown Ambika Appalam Depot in a foreign land. I'm reasonable.

But I still haven't touched upon the biggest advantage of all: rice. I thought that this was something available only in and around Little India. No Siree Bob! Parboiled ponni rice is available in 5kg and even 25kg packs! Good bye blue fingers and sore arms.

To top it all, this place even let me show some patriotism. There were two brands of rice available. One look at the bags and it was a very easy choice for me.


P.S: They also sell a dozen different varieties of biscuits in "loose": required quantities from a wholesale size tin!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Who was (being) the kid in the senate?

I watched with much interest the incident on the news about an Australian senator, Sarah Hanson-Young's infant daughter, Kora, being forcibly ejected from the parliament chambers. (Full story here) I was reminded of Somerset Maugham's short story about a bus condcutor and a lady with a Pekinese dog - the former asking the latter to get off a late-night bus, citing an obscure "no-dogs-on-buses" rule. (Although this sounds like I'm an avid reader, the only reason I know about this story is because this was an English lesson in high school.)
Update: That story was not by Somerset Maugham. It was "All About a Dog" by A.G Gardiner and is available here.

This was interesting to me for many reasons, one of which is the question "Can parents take their kids to work place?" And I'm not talking bring-your-daughter-to-work days. "Are you a fighter/commercial pilot?" "Do you control the operation of a nuclear power plant?" "Do you fire guns at enemies trying to infiltrate into your borders?" "Do you perform open heart (or any other) surgery?" If your answer to any of those questions is a yes, then the answer to the first question is an obvious no. I mean, you can't take your kid to work with you. If on the other hand, you had answered no to all the above questions, then the answer is, it still depends. Having a kid around when you are trying to get some work done - even if you hold a 9-5 desk job that involves no interaction with heavy machinery, wild beasts or members of the general public, is a distraction in general. It is an inconvenient situation not only for the parent but for the kid(s) too. There can be no two opinions about it. Parents, in many cases can avail the various options available these days - day care centers, maids, child care leave, work from home, to name a few, to take care of the child while they discharge their professional duties.

The second reason why my interests were aroused was because, as kids, we had to tag along with our father on many days to his office during our annual summer vacations and unscheduled school holidays like strikes, study holidays before exams, etc. We were at that age when we were too old for our day care center but too young to be left alone by ourselves at home. In the mid-80s, there were not available in Chennai, flexible day care centers or summer camps. We did not have the luxury of being packed away to grand parents' houses: we had never seen our maternal grandparents and our paternal grandma had to be taken care of by someone. Those were days before the age of computers/internet and hence working from home was not an option for anybody. And since our mom used to work for a bank, we ended up, as a last resort, in our father's office, a much quieter place, on many many summer days. On some days it was just the one of us and on others we'd both mark our presence. We tried to be as transparent as kids in vacation can ever be. I must say we were reasonably successful in that we were never asked to be evicted from the office. If he was embarrassed, which I'm sure he was on many occasions, our father never showed it. He did this for a couple of years until one of his colleagues, bless her soul, offered to let us be at her place, just behind the office building, along with her kids who were under the care of a maid. Raising kids when both the parents were employed used to be a much more daunting task than it is these days and our parents went through a lot to bring us up.

Coming to this specific situation, I don't think the parliament chamber is the right place for a toddler to be. Even a well behaved child could definitely be a distraction when you are deciding/debating on issues that will impact the entire population of your country. And it is something that she should have avoided at all costs. I don't know about Australia but the Indian parliament or any state assembly house for that matter is definitely no place for kids for the same reason that X-rated movies are not for kids. Enough said. I'm still unclear why the senator took the child in, given that a child care center was available on the parliament campus - a smart move that should be emulated by other countries to enable politician mothers to play a better role in law making, knowing that her kid is safe and being cared for. That said, the situation could definitely have been handled a lot better in my opinion. The adorable child, aged two, was doing fine when the Senate president decided to have her evicted. May be he could have waited till the voting was over to make his point. Instead he chose to have Kora taken away, which led to her crying and the issue becoming more dramatic and bigger than it already was, leaving me wondering which was a bigger issue: the kid in the parliament or the senator who was being the kid. Which was why I was reminded of the Somerset Maugham story whose title I still can't remember.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The PC show

It was a bleary Sunday afternoon. Lunch was partaken and the prospect of a siesta was bright on the horizon. But we had a role to play in helping the limping economy recover. Defying the lunch induced stupor, we decided to visit the PC show that was held between June 11-14 at the Suntec City Hall, Singapore.

I had a specific deal in mind: consolidate my home internet, cell phone and TV subscriptions into one bundle and sign up for a 2 year lease and thus avail the discounts and collect a spanking new laptop that was the sign up gift. Given the state of the economy, I was naive enough to believe that there would be thin crowds and all that I would be required to do was sign the paperwork, collect the gifts and return home by train. May be even stop by at the cafe on the way back and indulge in a hot chocolate, cradling the new laptop. The only difficulty that I anticipated was to decide on the laptop color. Would I go with the dignity of a grey or make a statement with a red?

We got off at the train station, exactly 800 metres away from the venue. We didn't have to refer to any maps. A sea of humanity was headed in that direction. All we had to do was to walk with the crowd. The show was held on mutiple levels at Suntec City with over 600 exhibitors occupying the space available. Strewn pamphlets carpeted the floors and people packed every square inch of the aisles and walkways. There was a maddening display of computers, accessories, consumer electronic goods. Vendors were going ballistic, yelling details of their offers into microphones and holding count down sales. The bargain hunters, clutching a bunch of pamphlets and comparing offers were cris-crossing, lending to the chaos. Triumphant folks heading out were hauling trolleys and carts, with an oversized LCD TV perched precariously and an assortment of other goods. It was a sight to behold.

Some statistics:
Visitors: 1.13 million (2008: 1.1 million)
Money spent: S$52.1 million (2008: S$51.7 million)

(Image courtesy: The Straits Times)

If there was a depression or an economic slump happening, it was definitely not evident there.

The deal that I wanted was "Fully redeemed!", a tattered sheet of paper that was pasted on the counter announced. Probably gone in the first few seconds. My means may have been redeemed but I still had the goal of helping the economy. We ended up buying a portable HDD - a very relevant purchase, given the times, a speaker for the computer system - not entirely unnecessary and an ipod nano - may be considered an indulgence but then it has been on our wish list for too long now. Hey, I have an economy to revive, remember? I even thought of giving it a booster shot by eyeing the Sharp Aquos LCD TV (Panel from Japppan-la, response time 5 ms onleeee-la) But my better half has a way of bringing me to reality with very few words. Having done our part, we boarded the bus back home.

So, ladies and gentlemen, those of you that have concerns about the ongoing recession, economic slump, slowdown or anything else that this current phenomenon is called, can now sit back and relax. Rest assured that it will all be over. If it doesn't, you know why.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

A hardearned meal


It was the summer of 2005 and I was sitting at a table in a small restaurant in small town Japan. I was there,working on a project for a customer who wasn't particularly keen on getting it over with. It was an intense 5 weeks of collecting data, cleaning it and trying to make sense and generally keeping busy. The tool on which I had to collect the data was being used extensively by the customer. As a vendor, I couldn't really complain about that, but that meant that on most days I could only use the tool between shift changes and that in turn meant that I had to forego lunch or whatever passed for it at their cafeteria. This even prompted one of them to get really concerned about my continuous absence at the cafeteria and ask me "Are you Ramzan? You Islam?" I replied that I was neither but only an applications engineer doing time in Asian fabs. But I digress. The work would usually get done pretty late in the evenings and on many days I would take a cab into the sleeping town, walk past this closed restaurant, the only one where I could get vegetarian food, to the convenience store to grab a sorry sandwich and a carton of milk and head to my matchbox sized room to crash. On those rare, lucky evenings when I could actually get into town when it was still light, I would head straight to this place which served Japanese interpretations of Italian dishes. I'm talking paper thin pizzas with a layer of wasabi sauce on it. Or pasta flavored with, get this, squid ink. I had managed to convince the manager and the chef to prepare a vegetarian pizza from scratch, as opposed to pulling out the pepperoni slices from a pepperoni pizza and christening it cheese pizza.

It was on one such evening when I was sitting there with my custom-made pizza that this story started. A caucasian couple was seated at a few tables from me and politely nodded. Being the polite fellow that I am, I nodded back and also gave them the courteous smile and proceeded to get busy with the business of inspecting the pizza for its vegetarian-ness and consuming it. It must have been at least twenty minutes before I looked up in time to notice that the couple were preparing to leave. From where they were seated, they had to pass me on their way out and as they crossed me, the lady stopped to enquire about the thread around my wrist. And even before I could play out the oft-repeated response to this query, she proudly displayed her's. In a matter of few minutes and a few exchanges, we got to know a bit about each other. In respect of their privacy, let me just say that they were from down-under and were teaching English at the local school and that they were practising Hinduism. And, more importantly, that they were vegetarians too. Rants and anecdotes of the difficulties unique to veggies in Japan were shared and before long, an invitation for dinner at their place was proffered and was accepted with restrained glee. I was leaving for home that Sunday and it was agreed that I would meet them for dinner at their place the night before on Saturday. It is not often that I get invited for a meal during my many forays into the Asia pacific region and needless to say, the prospect of a home cooked vegetarian dinner definitely raised my spirits and suddenly the world seemed to be not all that bad a place after all. Right? Well, read on.

The day arrived. I had nearly finished packing and was looking forward to the appointment. I took the train to a station close to their house from where the husband had said he would pick me up. When I got off, it was raining pretty hard and it was already getting dark. It was a small station and the few people that got off with me quickly melted away into the approaching night. Just as I was beginning to doubt whether the whole thing was some sort of a joke or maybe even a dream, I saw the lights of an approaching car. Sure enough it was him and we were soon on our way.

Societal demands compelled me to make small talk, something that I don't consider myself an expert at. We shared harmless details of our respective lives, about education, religion and of course, music. He appeared passionate about music and mentioned how he had developed an ear for Hindustani music and rattled off names that I had only seen on CD covers at music stores. He also mentioned that he was proficient on the harmonium. Now, this was Japan, remember, and I was nearly 7000 miles from anyone that was familiar with my musical abilities or the lack thereof. Not to be outdone, I mentioned the time that I had spent learning to play the mridangam (A South Indian percussion instrument). While I'm not given to hyperbole or even blowing the self trumpet, I did skip the finer print that my dalliances with the intrument were of late-80's vintage and that I had never come in contact with one since. He then let me in on the itinerary for the evening which was reading of verses from the Gita followed by a few bhajans and dinner. This was certainly not what I had in mind when I accepted the invitation a few days back. But being used to this routine from my grad school days where the propsect of good food empowered me to sit cross legged for an hour every Sunday morning and keep pace with the recital of Sri Vishnu Sahasra Namam with the help of a book, I was game. We drove on in the rains and we soon arrived at their abode.

His wife welcomed me with a "Namasthe" that made even me, a true blooded Indian, feel a little uncomfortable. The house was typical Japanese with wooden floors, mats, sliding doors and very small rooms. The place was dimly lit and the smell of incense and religion filled the air. The living room had been prepared for the evening with an idol of Lord Krishna decorated and placed in the middle. I positioned myself facing the idol, sitting cross legged on the floor. We had company that night - an Argentinian male, whose name I don't recall, who looked like someone who had done this many times before. I could, even over the incense, detect the unmistakable aroma of basmati rice and an eggplant based side dish was wafting in from the adjoining kitchen which immediately set off hunger pangs within me. I set the mental countdown to about 45 mins by which time I reckoned I would be done with the religious events of the evening and could relish dinner, little knowing that those 45 minutes would be very long, memorable ones.

The husband, who till that point was attired in cotton pants, emerged from an adjoining room in full traditional Indian attire - the panchagajam, a khadi top and a resplendent namam on his forehead. I was slightly taken aback, totally unprepared for such religious intensity while the Argentinian sat there wearing that "Been here, seen this" look. The wife had, in the meantime, set the Gita on the wooden book holder. He quickly breezed through a few verses, their translations and his own comments, concluding it with extolling the Gita. My mental timer, in the meantime, was down to 35 minutes. Then it happened. Announcing that we would now move on to the bhajans, he set about tuning the harmonium and asked me, "You said you can play the mridangam right?" I nodded gingerly, expecting him to say something along the lines of how having one would have completed a musical troupe, providing some rhythm to the songs. Instead, he went into a dark adjoining room and came back out dusting a full sized, real, strike-it-and-you'll-hear-it mridangam, complete with a cloth around its middle.

The deer in the headlights cliche doesn't even begin to describe my situation. I might be imagining this but there may have been a flash of lightning and a bolt of thunder followed by heavy silence punctuated only by the sound of rain against the roof. The look on the Argentinian's face told that even he hadn't seen this act before and I swear that Lord Krishna sported a mischievous smile on his face. Transformed into a "struggling musician", I slowly got up and received it from him: an acknowledgement that I was well past the point of no return, if ever there existed one. There had been signs and warnings all along but I had ignored every one of them. If accepting the invitation a few days back was the deep end of the pool that I was in, the mridangam was definitely the dorsal fin that I saw circling aroud. Mental timer: 33 minutes.

I don't know if it was divine manifestation or the realization of the fact that playing the mridangam was what that stood between me and a sumptuous meal that night. But whatever it was, as I adjusted the instrument to position it under my left knee and gave it the first few reluctant taps, a strange calm descended over me and I became a mridangist at that moment. There were 5 songs that night. As the couple cleared their throats, I summoned Whatever little I had by way of a general sense of rhythm and the concert was underway. Any inhibitions, fears or even the lack of knowledge I might have had at the beginning of the first song had melted away, thanks to the said sense of rhythm that shone like a bright torch that night. I even mentioned to the husband, between songs 3 and 4,that the mridangam required to be tuned and he nodded in agreement. The nerve! By the time the final song reached a crescendo, I was in a zone, striking away at the sides of the mridangam like a maestro. As I set the mridangam upright and got up, the couple came over and complimented me on my performance. They may have said that they were glad it was over but I was floating too far up in ether to hear it. The Argentine gent nodded his approval and Lord Krishna's smile no longer appeared mischievous. It was a spiritual experience for me. I became more appreciative of a sumptuous meal than I was before and also thankful that I hadn't mentioned to him that night about my attempts to learn to play the veena. That could have been very disastrous. Or not.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Sathyabama: A Doomed University

The recent suicide by Vivek, a student of St. Joseph's College of Engg., while shocking, was something that was waiting to happen. It was a matter of time and it happened to be Vivek on the 1st of June, 2009. Jeppiaar and his family of thugs who run the cluster of institutions under the Sathyabama University umbrella, have, over the years, managed to establish an identity of running a "disciplined" institution. Now, in all honesty, this was probably the one attribute that set them apart in a sea of mediocre engineering institutions that had mushroomed during the 90's. Enforcing discipline cost them nothing and was a powerful tool that could create a much better brand value than actually having a great infrastructure or faculty of a high calibre. This idea instantly caught on among the parents, who, upon depositing their children, particularly daughters, into one of these institutions, could sit back, relax and expect to collect a well "disciplined" product at the end of the assembly line in 4 years' time. In reality, they were a bunch of fat, rich, control maniacs with a chequered past, trying to create a fear psychosis amongst the enrolled students in an attempt to woo the parents for their money. The only driving motivation for them was, and continues to be, making money by the truck loads, and to this family goes the credit of making engineering education truly a dirty business.

The idea of discipline is a funny one. There is a faint line that separates enforcing values and being sadistic - say, the difference between Singapore and North Korea, and that line was crossed a while back by these control freaks. A look at the Draconian rule system, reveals some sick minds at work. Preventing boys and girls from talking to each other accomplished nothing other than reveal a medieval mind set. I personally know of many relationships that blossomed even in that barren landscape of stifling regulations. There were "squads" assigned to identify and round up defaulters and bring them to the notice of the management for corrective action. In my first year, I was shocked to see a lecturer going around, checking the faces of the guys for stubble and asking the ones with an unacceptable amount of facial hair to go shave. The chosen ones rushed to the hostel, borrowed their friends' razors and returned with a clean shaven face to try and complete the University final examination within the allotted 3 hours. I'll leave it to you to decide which was more weird: imposing an arbitrary, Talibanesque "no-stubble-during-finals" rule or having a member of the staff enforce it.

Vivek, the dead student, was not a saint - he had plagiarized in an examination and deserved to be disciplined. But punishment, if not constructive and reinforcing some basic values, can have dire consequences and we have witnessed one such instance now. I was involved, in my capacity as a teaching assistant, in a similar case at a University in the US in 2003. The student who was caught in the act was given a hearing (after scheduling one, taking into account everyone's schedules) by the Dean of the school, a student counsellor, the professor and self. He argued passionately how he was not wrong. After that hearing, he was given a failing grade, a warning, advice on ethical behavior and was asked to repeat the course. Compare this with the modus operandi of the moral hooligans running the circus at S'bama. The idea of punishment, according to the goons, is making a student stand in front of the "office" for days on end, denying him a hearing or a fair trial. If found in breach of their extremely narrow definition of good behavior, one is perceived to be guilty, found guilty, declared guilty and then punished, which would usually involve slapping some arbitrary fine and bringing in the parents from some remote corner of the state for a compulsory meeting with the principal/director.

With due respect to the departed soul, he was a fool on two counts. First, for having selected this institution after this became a deemed University, which essentially means they are a law unto themselves. The only reason people (I mean the students) put up with all the nonsense that was dished out in the name of discipline was because the degree would be issued by the University of Madras and that nearly made up for the inconveniences. But again, as mentioned earlier, this could have been as much a result of his parents influencing the decision based on their sense of security around these institutions. For the money that they would have plonked down, they might as well have got their son admitted into a real college elsewhere. Secondly, I blame Vivek for committing suicide for such a trivial issue. Couldn't he realize that there is more to life beyond the confines of the engineering Abu Ghraib that he found himself in? Perhaps he didn't.

This incidence, I'm sure, will die a quick, silent death and will be interred along with the numerous other offences, mainly financial, that the management have committed in the past as a matter of routine. Justice has a price tag and no price is every beyond the capabilities of these education Nazis with deep pockets. It will soon be business as usual at Sathyabama Deemed University. To the parents who silently approve of the methods of these maniacs, it could very well be your son or daughter that could be the next victim. This college came up with sadistic rules while they were under the University of Madras. Now that they are on their own, there is no stopping them from unleashing a reign of terror. It is not as if the students attending other colleges end up turning anti-social. Hell, none of you ever attended Sathyabama!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Reaction to fear

I took my first flight yesterday since the AirFrance Flight 447 mishap. It is a flight that I have now taken more times than I can keep track of. Yet, it was the first time that I was feeling a bit uneasy before a flight. I don't recall feeling this way even before my maiden flight. As I shoe horned myself into the economy class seat, I cast a quick glance at the aircract safety information card in the seat pouch. I'm no expert in aviation technology but somehow it was reassuring to note that it was a Boeing 777-300. And, gasp!, I even watched the flight safety video. 

During the flight, there was mild turbulence and the pilot was on the PA system, urging passengers to fasten their seat belts. Even before the message was over, there were loud clicks as nearly everyone did it in unison. My wife was extremely perturbed as my "reached-safely" call was delayed because of logistics issues and she did not have access to a TV/internet. 

A temporary phenomenon in reaction to a recent mishap - 9/11/2001, tsunami, Jaws movie, to name a few and, like everything else, will pass away over time as memories fade and other mishaps happen. But it was interesting and unnerving in equal measure to observe and be part of it. 

Monday, June 1, 2009

Park benches, iron slabs and thogayal

My Saturdays have recently taken on a solitary hue, what with the wife's taxing schedules making her work week six days long. Yet, she fixes the lunch for me. Or, as it happened last Saturday, a part of it. The menu last week was thogayal (an Indian dip, vaguely). Saturdays have their own character and they don't drop it just because some project is running behind schedule somewhere. This Saturday was no exception and despite all efforts, it was well past late when our day began. The thogayal, for the uninitiated, has two distinct parts to its preparation. There's the frying-the-ingredients part and assigning-the-grinding-to-the-husband part. To her credit, my wife completed both parts before scooting out the door. As her bus pulled away, all I had to do was blend the already fried ingredients into a fine paste and sit down for a good meal. Sounds simple, right? Yes, if not for a "but" coming. But, there was a small catch. I had to add just one more ingredient to make it complete: coconut gratings. Still sounds simple, right? Yes again, if not for a second "but" coming. But, in an effort to move away from using frozen food, combined with the recent acquisition of a mixer, or the more fancy, "food processor", we had purchased a full husked coconut instead of the usual frozen coconut slab. Okay, it was the size of a football and was on sale for under $1.

If you are familiar with the anatomy of the coconut, you would notice a hard shell that protects the kernel from anybody trying to access it. There is no implement in our house that comes anywhere close to being capable of cracking a coconut shell. I gave the situation at hand some thought and donned my shirt, picked up the coconut, locked the door and stepped out into the sun. Being the optimist that I am, I also had and an empty utensil for collecting the liquid inside when I succeeded in breaking it open. My first stop was the apartment unit down the corridor which has served all my hardware requirements successfully on earlier occasions. As I was about to ring the doorbell, I found that it was locked. Unexpected, yes; cause for panic, no. I proceeded to the lift lobby and took a crowded lift down to the street. It is not everyday that the occupants of a lift car expect to have a person carrying a coconut and an empty vessel for company and they were suitably amused. I tried my best to not appear embarrassed. I stepped out into the street and surveyed the landscape and that was when the gravity of the situation started sinking in.

While you chew on that, let's do a quick comparative study of houses in India and the rest of the world. Houses in India come equipped with grinding stones, the size of mini cars. Since the average Indian has moved on to electrical grinders or the readymade, refrigerated batter packets that are available in stores, these stones are now primarily used for breaking coconuts. In those modern apartments that don't have grinding stones, there is still available an aruvaal (Indian machete?) stored in some corner which would serve the purpose. But I don't live in a house equipped to meet my coconut breaking needs and hence I found myself in the streets, literally, with an intact coconut and an empty vessel.

Necessity mothers invention or at least innovation. On that note, I set about testing various installations for their worthiness in being able to crack a coconut. When young, I had learnt, the hard way, that stairs or any other piece of masonry won't help in my mission. I could easily chip away the plastering and end up getting a memo from the housing authorities. The stair railings were steel with rounded edges and a chrome finish - ruled out. Walking a bit further, I tried the wrought iron park bench installed near the play area. I had credited a course in engineering materials nearly 10 years ago in college. While there was much elaboration on its properties, it's tensile strength, Young's modulus etc, I don't recall a professor ever saying in clear terms if it was capable of cracking open a coconut shell and it was time to test it myself. Exactly 3 hard, surgical and noisy blows later I learned it was not. The coconut remained intact but I could sense windows opening and questioning glances thrown at me. I shuffled away from the scene in search of my next tool, wondering why the world was prejudiced against empty vessels for being noisy.

By this time, I was about quarter of a mile away from home, eliminating, on my way, masonry, manhole covers, cars and other people as candidate tools on some reason or the other. I could not locate even one single piece of stone or a small rock anywhere. Which probably explains why there are no riots or violent protests here. Anyway, just as I was about to turn around, prepared to settle for a coconut-free thogayal, I noticed one missing iron grill cover running along the length of a rain water drain that gave me unhindered access to the hard, iron edge of the next grill and it was all that I had been looking for. In the next 15 seconds (Okay, 30!), I proceeded to break open the shell and collected every drop of coconut water. Mission accomplished! One might have even detected a touch of swagger in my walk back home.

Suffice to say that thogayal was particularly tasty that day. My prayers now are that the missing slab doesn't get replaced by Singapore's ever efficient HDB authorities.